Mary Angel

(7/2020) How do you parent a child who suffers from anxiety during a pandemic? It is crazy to think of that as the easy question, but unfortunately, that is not all we are dealing with. The question is how to care for a child who suffers from anxiety during a pandemic during racial unrest? My first answer would be to throw my hands in the air and call uncle, just like when I was young, and my brother would have me in a headlock during one of our impromptu wrestling matches. I have quickly realized this is not going to work.

When my husband was furloughed from his job in mid-April, my youngest daughter started to have trouble sleeping. It had been a while since she had anything major to cause her anxiety to manifest, so I was a little slow to make the connection. One day she broke down in tears and announced that she didn't want to have to leave her house. We quickly told her that this was not an option worth considering and had a few very long conversations to reinforce it. As she worked her way off that emotional ledge, she grabbed on to a few smaller stressors on the way. One of the stressors my husband and I didn't even think about was the fear of running out of toilet paper. We once again had to talk it through and let her voice all of her concerns surrounding the topic, and she started to see it more as an underlying problem with many solutions. Although she didn't like all of the answers, she was still less stressed when she knew there were solutions.

As things progressed and people we knew personally experienced a death due to COVID-19, she became even more anxious. This turned out to be because my parents live with us, and both have breathing disorders. It took almost a week of her having a stomach ache and trouble sleeping before she was able to verbalize her concerns. She was so worried about her grandparents that she thought they wouldn't be there in the morning if she went to sleep. I can't stress enough how heartbreaking it is to have a child who worries to such an extent. Then things started opening back up, and everyone was able to get out a bit more. Luckily, we were able to explain to her that everyone was wearing masks and that even though some people might not need to because they were perfectly healthy, we are all wearing them for others' sake. This was hard for her to grasp when we finally got to go out ourselves since there were a significant number of people who weren't wearing them.

I tried very hard to explain that not everyone has a loved one at higher risk, but for a thirteen-year-old with a very caring heart, that wasn't a good explanation. This little girl would wear a mask going into a store for the rest of her life if she thought she could save someone's grandparent. On a side note, I have recently seen people post things on social media about how a mask infringes on their rights and others who post articles about how masks don't work. As my daughter has heard these sides from her friends, I would tell you all her very naVve and innocent responses, "How can a mask that could save my Meme's life infringe on your rights…I would wear one for your Meme" and "If masks don't work, then why did the doctor wear one when he did my mom's surgery and why do they always wear them on TV when something bad has happened?". In our family, we have a rule, "if you see an article or a headline and don't research the sources, then don't share the information." I advocate researching every source I have seen regarding wearing a mask, and every reputable scientific source that has been put out for peer review has found that masks, when worn by everyone, are effective. I have also raised my kids on the statement that when the media is unsupported by scientific evidence, it is merely a hypothesis, and I can hypothesize that pigs will fly before my son folds his laundry, but it is highly unlikely and unsupported. OK, I am done preaching, but maybe not to my kids.

Add to all of this the fact that an African American man was brutally murdered, and that led to rioting and looting, and she is now nauseous all of the time, and I don't blame her. It is heartbreaking to see that man gasping for a breath of air as he was being suffocated. That being said, telling a child that sometimes people get so angry and caught up in a moment that they make bad decisions like protesting non-peacefully or rioting and on top of that, the media rarely shows the peaceful protests or moments where all of the community work together. She is old enough to understand that violence by anyone will solve nothing. This one has me stumped. I believe God created everyone equally but differently. If we all looked alike and acted alike and liked the same things, this would be one boring world. I don't have to look any further than my four children to see how beautiful it is to be different.

In this instance, the best I can do is find positive cross-cultural interaction and show my daughter how things should be. I am probably going to get backlash for this, but here goes. I have told my kids that white privilege is real and a historical fact, and it is not something they can apologize for personally, but they can apologize for how it affects people and be a part of those who make a change. That change can be as simple as loving everyone equally and unconditionally, and they can petition their congressman to change laws that are in place. History is ever-changing, and they need to be a part of making it better and helping to promote equality for all. They can also be an example to others, not only on how to act but how not to react. So, please wear a mask, wash your hands, and love your neighbor…no matter your differences.

Read other articles by Mary Angel