Mary Angel

(6/2022) Four children, that can be a crazy thought if I stop to consider it. Those of you who have read my articles know that my husband and I were not going to have children when we met. I was afraid of babies, and he wanted to be a teacher and figured he would have plenty of "kids" that way. Fast forward a few years (quite a few) and we have 4 children. Those of you with multiple children know they are quite different even though they are raised in the same household. That has always baffled me, until I came across the concept of birth order.

There are tons of books, blogs, articles, and even pictures that explain the concept of birth order and the character traits that go along with each placement. It's easy to research or buy a book on the subject, but I would recommend not skimming and going in depth with your investigation. When I first looked at some of the charts, I was very skeptical and a little nervous about the character traits that were associated with each of my children. There were traits like secretive, demanding, self-centered, and financially irresponsible. These were not traits a mom would want for their babies.

When you read more to find out where these traits are coming from it can sometimes make a little more sense. Think about your first child and how nervous you were to bring them home from the hospital. Remember how you washed every toy that fell on the ground or even carpet in your own house? I know I was overly cautious with the first child. That cautiousness and attention to detail can create a child who is very responsible, organized, and an overachieving rule follower. Then you go and have a second child and your attention shifts. It isn’t that you love the first born any less, but they are now slightly more independent, and they don’t need you as much as an infant. I was blessed by how helpful my first born was with his baby brother. This might also explain why some first born children can become bossy and a bit of a know-it-all. My oldest seems to have the typical organized, punctual, obey the rules personality, sometimes to a fault. He doesn’t always know how to let his hair down.

The believe a second child can have both last child and middle child traits. Simply because for a time they were the last child, until the baby came along. Once the next baby comes along the second born is now officially a middle child. As a middle child, my son was very independent, easy going, and a total peacemaker. There were many times when his sister would be talking (getting in more and more trouble with every word) and he would keep walking by whispering under his breath, "Stop talking, just be quiet". He would never pass up a chance to hang out with friends or help someone out who needed a hand. He was and still is extremely generous and sociable.

My third born has both last and middle traits as well. She loves to be pampered (what teenage girl doesn’t), and she is very creative, which are both last child traits. One of the traits that I am torn on is that a middle child can be a good negotiator. She never passes up the chance to try and negotiate, and she did amazingly well in the debate section in her history class, but she often says too much and ends up in trouble instead of winning her argument. I suspect that has nothing to do with birth order and everything to do with being a teenage girl. I also believe since she is our first-born girl, she has some the first-born characteristics, like being bossy and a high achiever. She was the youngest to get her license, a job and to date.

Our last child, the baby, doesn’t fit the last child’s mold as much as the others fit in their positions. She doesn’t like to be pampered as much as her sister; she isn’t financially irresponsible (maybe because she doesn’t have money to be irresponsible with); and she is as far from outgoing and a risk-taker as you can get. I was about to say she isn’t competitive because she doesn’t do any activities that require that trait, like sports or marching band, but she can sure lose her temper when she doesn’t do well at family game night. Her siblings call her a honey badger because she can go from adorable to dangerous in a split second. Her creativity is off the charts, but she can’t see that because she is not self-centered in the slightest. She has a great sense of humor and an infectious laugh. She is bored easily, but again that can just be a teenage trait.

After researching the theories behind the birth order, I definitely see how life can lead to some of these characteristics becoming real life. I can also see how friendships, changing circumstances and life choices can change these characteristics in the blink of an eye. There are many factors that can affect your child’s personality, like number of siblings, number of parents, autism, and mental health. What I found out by looking into birth order was that all of my children are individuals and each of them is unique in their only way, with their own struggles and strengths. The best thing I did for my children was ignore their birth order and just love them where they were in their journey. Birth order is a lot like love languages, it can simply make it easier to understand where they are coming from in a given situation. I hope you do your research and get a little chuckle as you see which characteristics each of your children display, whether bossy, organized, independent, or creative, as they navigate life.

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