Love and war

Gracie Smith
MSMU Class of 2027

(11/2024) As someone who has studied the art of war for years now, one thing that I can confirm is that always being taken for granted, misunderstood, and often neglected, is the truth about all of those who fought. Historians, teachers, students, and history enthusiasts alike often focus on the aspects of soldiers. Their lives, operations, plans, treaties, you name it, and it was studied. However, what about those who were left behind? What about those fighting the same battle, but on the home front? Supporting each other from different ends of the Earth whilst not knowing the condition, situation, or health of the other. That is a whole different kind of war.

I had the privilege of speaking with locals in the area about their experiences during war and what impacts they had on their relationship. I hope their experiences will expand your horizons when it comes to our history. I hope you appreciate everything this strong couple went through as much as I do. Perhaps, more appealing to my younger audience, you will gain a sense of what it is truly like to be in a long-distance relationship, more specifically one where you don’t know if you’ll see your other half again. That being said, allow me to share their story.

Mrs. Davis, of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, had been married to her husband, Mr. Davis, for 3 years when he was drafted to fight in Vietnam. Out of respect and for privacy reasons, I will not release their first names. When asked what their initial reaction to Mr. Davis being drafted was, they both replied rather dimly, saying that "it was a shock, even though we’d both expected it". Mrs. Davis had been prepared to provide for herself, however, she’d not been prepared to live by herself. She recounts that it was hard, when Mr. Davis first left for boot camp. She calls this their "trial run" even though they didn’t have a choice in how they continued. She said their "trial run" went smoothly, but what differentiated it from Mr. Davis’ actual employment was that she didn’t know if he’d come back. Imagine having to go through your day not knowing what was going on. Not having a clue where your spouse was—whether they were still alive or not.

Mrs. Davis wrote several letters to him, first daily then weekly. She began by updating him on the small things: when she went to the market, what was going on in town, how her parents were doing. Then, as time progressed, her letters became shorter, more composed of her affections towards him, motivating him to keep pushing forward. She admits that not all of her letters were able to be sent and would come back to her in big bold letters saying, "RETURN TO SENDER". This scared her greatly as she thought something had happened to her husband. During that time, it would take several weeks to be able to communicate with one another. She admits that there was one instance where she thought something had in fact happened to him when all her letters in one week had been sent back to her. Mrs. Davis smiled when she said it was because she had filled out the envelope incorrectly. She said that writing letters was a way to help herself know "he wasn’t that far away", and it was a way for her to cope with him being gone. When I asked what Mr. Davis thought of the letters he responded simply, "I kept every one".

When asked what her biggest hardship was, Mrs. Davis replied rather comically, "I didn’t have anyone to help with the housework. Changing the lights, repainting the wall in the parlor, hanging the new curtains," her expressions got lighter as she reminisced, "I had to learn to be my own husband for a period of time". This is something that a lot of people take for granted, the fact that the gender roles between men and women were so distinguished, no one really thought of who would take the place of the man in the household until it was a present problem. As a historian in the making, I can confirm that Mrs. Davis was not the only wife to experience this. Thousands of wives across the country were having to take on multiple, foreign, tasks that were typically done by the male in the house. Not only did wives have to adjust to this, but the eldest sons were also commonly molded to take these positions in the household and care for the mother and younger siblings.

Sacrifices were made by everyone during times of war, even if we don’t acknowledge it, Mrs. Davis claims that she sacrificed very little in comparison to her husband who came back from the war with substantial, but survivable injuries. Admittedly a very stubborn person, Mrs. Davis affirmed that she had hardly any efforts to do in the war. However, as a writer I want to make it known that her efforts were just as great as her husband’s. Staying strong for him, supporting herself and taking care of her house whilst working a job to pay the bills was, and still is, such an accomplishment. Mrs. Davis, please give yourself more credit, it is much deserved!

All of this to say, through Mrs. Davis’ experiences, we get just a glance at what thousands of wives, girlfriends, fiancés, and mothers had to go through when war broke out. Not only were our brave soldiers off fighting for our nation, but the women in the homeland were supporting from within; supporting our small towns and businesses, supporting children and their education, supporting the household and the homes our soldiers came back to, and more importantly each other. Mr. and Mrs. Davis are just one couple who had to adapt new skills for the sake of the other. Their relationship was stretched nearly 9,000 miles, but it never broke.