He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

• When I get old, I'm gonna move up north and drive around real slow
• Wanted, meaningful overnite relationship
• I Love Cats ....They taste like chicken
• Happiness is seeing your mother-in-laws picture on the back of a milk carton
• Beer - Helping white men dance since 1842
• If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
• Save a tree, eat a beaver
• Teens, leave home now while you still know everything
• Horn broken, watch for finger!
• WARNING: Driver only carries $20 Dollars worth of ammunition
• Vegatables aren't food -They are what food eats.
• Confused as a baby in a strip club
• Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?
• Dr. Kavorkian for White house Physician
• Please don't tell mom I was at a Bears game. She thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.
• My kid beat up your honor student.
• Keep honking while I reload
• I love cats ... best bait I know.
• I got a shot gun for my wife ... pretty good trade huh?
• DON'T STEAL! The government doesn't like competition
• Sh@t BETTER NOT happen!
• My inner child is a mean little @!#$"
• He who dies with the most toys still dies
• Sure, you can have my gun ... BULLETS FIRST!
• Bambi makes cute sandwiches.
• Caution: Driver just doesn't give a sh@t anymore.
• For a small town this one sure has a lot of a@@holes.
• Amature gynecologist. Free examinations given.
• Pass with caution, driver chewing tobacco.
• Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
• Where there is a will, I want to be in it.
• IRS - we've got what it takes to take what you've got
• We are born naked wet and hungry, then things get worse
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else
• It's lonely at the top but you eat better
• The lottery - a tax on people bad at math
• If men are idiots, you married their King
• Constipated people don't give a crap.
• If that phone was up your rear, maybe you could drive better.
• To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
• If you can read this I've lost my trailer.
• This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
• So many pedestrians - so little time.
• If we quit voting will they all go away?
• Illiterate? Write for help.
• Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
• Seen on the back of a biker's vest -- If you can read this, the bit@h fell off.
• Seen upside down on a jeep -- If you can read this, please flip me back over.
• Seen on a baby stroller -- Saw it ...Wanted it ...Had a fit ...Got it!
• Remember folks stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
• Caution - Driver legally blonde!
• Don't be sexist - broads hate that.
• Heart attacks -- Gods revenge for eating his animal friends.
• Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• Guys, no shirt, no service; gals no shirt, no charge.
• This property protected by smith and wesson four days a week - - you guess which days.
• Don't piss off the crazy person.
• My kid had sex with your honor student
• If it was raining whores, I'd be the one to get hit with the queer.
• Prevent inbreeding ... Ban Country Music!

In case you are looking for something for your own child, a nephew, niece, or somebody else's cute kid, look no farther. All should be available at your nearest bookstore and make great stocking stuffers.

• You Are Different and That's Bad
• The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
• Dad's New Wife Robert
• Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
• Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
• The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
• Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
• Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
• All Cats Go to Hell
• The Little Sissy Who Snitched
• Some Kittens Can Fly
• That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
• Grandpa Gets a Casket
• The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
• Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
• The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
• Strangers Have the Best Candy
• Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
• You Were an Accident
• Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
• Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
• The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
• Your Nightmares Are Real
• Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
• Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
• Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

• Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
• Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
• Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
• Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
• Put M&M's on lay away.
• Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
• Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
• When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
• Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
• Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
• While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
• In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
• Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!"
• When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! Its those voices again."
• Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"

• Vets' office: "All unattended children given free kitten"
• Lot outside Vet's office: "Parking for customers Only, others will be neutered."
• In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"
• Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed."
• Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
• At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
• Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello, can we help pick your nose?"
• Sign at the psychic's Hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call you."
• At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want your tows."
• Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
• On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
• In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action."
• On Maternity Room Door: "Push, Push, Push."
• At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for you've come to the right place."
• On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
• In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
• On a fence: "Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive."
• Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."
• Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
• In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
• In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."

• It is well documented that for every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.
• My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97, and we don't know where she is.
• The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
• I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
• I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
• I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
• If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.
• And last, but not least, I don't jog - I found it too hard to breathe and swallow my food at the same time.

• Idiots in Service: This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
    
• Idiots at Work: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
    
• Idiots in the Neighborhood: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
   
• Idiots in Food Service: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOT SIGHTING #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
  
• Idiot Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
   
• Idiot Sighting #3: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to 'downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
   
• Idiot Sighting #4: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her
  system would not turn on.
   
• Idiot Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
  pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

Now Don't You Feel Better Now!!!