"I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then said, "Oh," and ran back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, ran to the back of the car and cut off the last two inches of the tailpipe.

• In the first book of the bible, Genesis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark And the animals came on in pears.
• Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. *
• The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
• Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
• Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
• Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
• The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Mises went up to mount cyanide to get The ten commandments.
• The first commandment was when eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
• The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
• David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people Who lived in biblical times.
• Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
• When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
• Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
• St. john the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
• Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained A man doth not live by sweat alone.
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
• The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
• The Epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• One of the Opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.
• Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform. The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent. The class fell silent...waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"God was busy. He sent me."

Pope says, "Why? What did I do wrong on earth?"

St. Peter says, "God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests."

Pope says, "He's mad about THAT?"

Almost in keeping with the event, the weather suddenly became violent, with thunder, lightning and pelting rain. As he gazed up into his wife's eyes, Abraham said, "Sara, my dear, be a loving wife and call the priest, please."

"What, she yelped, "The Priest?!"

"Yes, my dear. Please."

"No, no, I'll call the rabbi."

"No, no, the priest!"

"Oh, no, no. On his deathbed my husband has joined the goyem, lost his senses, turned his back on his faith. Oh, Oh." And she burst into tears.

"There, there, my dear love. Call the priest. I would not trouble the rabbi on a night like this."

In a very quiet voice he said to the congregation, "Listen. I love Jim, but I can't let him snore like that, it's puts me off. So, when I make my next announcement, I want you all to keep quiet and stay seated. OK?"

A few moments later he bellowed out as loud as he could, "Would all those that want to go to hell stand UP!!"

This woke Jim with a start, and jumping to his feet and looking around he said, "Well, reverend, I don't know what the motion was, but it looks as though you and I are the only ones for it!"

The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street.

One of them turned to the other and said: "I know that it is said that Jesus turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'll become a Catholic for the rest off my life!"