Humor Additions for Monday, October 22nd, 2001
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New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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Lessons cowboys have Learned: Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
  • Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
  • If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
    •
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  • 6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
  • There's two theories to arguin' with the foreman. Neither one works.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
  • Don't squat with your spurs on.
  • It doesn't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
  • Always drink upstream from the herd.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • There are three kinds of people:
    1. The ones who learn by reading,
    2. the few who learn by observation,
    3. the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see if it's hot.
    •

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Actual newspaper headlines....
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  • Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  • Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  • Farmer Bill Dies in House
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  • Stud Tires Out
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  • Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  • Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  • Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
  • Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  • Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  • Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  • Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  • Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  • Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

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Many people will walk in and out of your life . . .

But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses much more;
He who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
 

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