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Brenda O'Malley is
home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her
door.
"Brenda, may I come
in?" he asks. "I've somethin' rather important to tell
ye."
"Of course you can come in.
You're always welcome here, Tim." says Brenda. "But
where's me husband, Shamus?"
"That's what I'm here to be
tellin' ye, Lass. There's been a simply tragic accident down at
the Guiness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries
Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your
husband Shamus is gone. I'm dreadfully sorry, Lass."
Finally, Brenda looks up at Tim
and tearfully asks, "Please tell me how it happened,
Tim."
"Aw, Lass, it was terrible.
Poor Shamus fell into a vat o' Guiness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my Sweet Jesus! But
please tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no, Lass... not
exactly."
"No?"
"No, fact is, he got out
three times to visit the men's room."
Submitted by Bill, Narberth,
Pa.
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Different Ways to Say
You're Not So Bright ...
- A few clowns short of a
circus.
- A few fries short of a Happy
Meal.
- An experiment in Artificial
Stupidity.
- A few beers short of a
six-pack.
- Dumber than a box of hair.
- A few feathers short of a
whole duck.
- All foam, no beer.
- Body by Fisher, brains by
Mattel.
- Couldn't pour water out of a
boot with instructions on the heel.
- He fell out of the stupid tree
and hit every branch on the way down.
- An intellect rivaled only by
garden tools.
- Proof that evolution CAN go in
reverse.
- He has an IQ of room
temperature.
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Redneck Bubba died in
a fire and was burned pretty bad . . .
The morgue needed someone to
identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were
called for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Daryl looked and said, "Yup,
he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician
rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't
Bubba."
The mortician thought that was
rather strange and he was pretty sure of the body's identity.
Gomer was then brought in to identify the body.
Gomer took a look at him and
said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and
Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked," How
can you tell?"
Gomer said," Well, Bubba had
two ass."
"What? He had two ass?"
asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew about
it, too. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here
comes Bubba with them two ass."
Submitted by Marianne,
Columbia, Md.
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