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How to make a
telemarketer regret calling you . . .
- If they want to loan you
money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could
sure use some money.
- If they start out with,
"How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all
these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are
sore, my dog just died..."
- If they say they're John Doe
from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them
to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located,
how long it has been in business, how many people work there,
how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?,
etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their company for as long as necessary.
- This works great if you are
male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ
Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky
voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
- Cry out in surprise,
"Judy! Is that you? Oh my goodness! Judy, how have you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments
of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could
know you from.
- Say "No," over and
over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a
rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.
- If MCI calls trying to get you
to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as
SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends
.... would you be my friend?"
- If the company cleans rugs,
respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT
blood? How about HUMAN blood?
- After the Telemarketer gives
their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all
flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit
card number to a complete stranger.
- Tell the Telemarketer that you
work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
- Answer the phone. As soon as
you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout
or scream, "Oh NO!!!" and then hang up.
- Tell the Telemarketer you are
busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you
his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When
the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out
their HOME umbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone
bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will
agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.
- Ask them to repeat everything
they say, several times.
- Tell them it is dinner time,
BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker
phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your
food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
- Tell the Telemarketer you are
on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring
you some beer.
- Ask them to fax the
information to you, and make up a number.
- Tell the Telemarketer,
"Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell
you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
- Insist that the caller is
really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon,
cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
- Tell them you are hard of
hearing and that they need to speak up .... louder ...
louder...louder...
- Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY,
because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
Submitted by Marianne,
Columbia, Md.
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As a schoolboy, one
of Red Skelton's teachers explained the words and meaning of the
Pledge of Allegiance to his class.
Skelton later wrote down, and
eventually recorded, his recollection of this lecture.
- I - - Me; an individual; a
committee of one.
- Pledge - - Dedicate all of my
worldly goods to give without self-pity.
- Allegiance - - My love and my
devotion.
- To the Flag - - Our standard;
Old Glory; a symbol of Freedom; wherever she waves there is
respect, because your loyalty has given her a dignity that
shouts, Freedom is everybody's job.
- United - - That means that we
have all come together.
- States of America- -
Individual communities that have united into forty-eight great
states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and
dignity and purpose. All divided with imaginary boundaries,
yet united to a common purpose, and that is love for country.
- And to the Republic - - a
state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives
chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people;
and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders
to the people.
- For which it stands
- One Nation - meaning, so
blessed by God.
- Indivisible - - Incapable of
being divided.
- With Liberty - - Which is
Freedom; the right of power to live one's own life, without
threats, fear, or some sort of retaliation.
- And Justice - - The principle,
or qualities, of dealing fairly with others.
- For All - which means, boys
and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine.
Submitted by Dave
Bolder, Co.
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Women think they
already know everything . . .
But
training courses are now available for women on the following
subjects:
- Silence, the Final Frontier:
Where No Woman Has Gone Before
- The Undiscovered Side of
Banking: Making Deposits
- Parties: Going Without New
Outfits
- Man Management: Minor
Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
- Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need
Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
- Bathroom Etiquette II: His
Razor is His
- Communication Skills I: Tears
- The Last Resort, not the First.
- Communication Skills II:
Thinking Before Speaking
- Communication Skills III:
Getting What you Want Without Nagging
- Driving a Car Safely: A Skill
You CAN Acquire
- Telephone Skills: How to Hang
Up
- Introduction to Parking
- Advanced Parking: Backing Into
a Space
- Water Retention: Fact or Fat
- Cooking I: Bringing Back
Bacon, Eggs and Butter
- Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are
Not for Human Consumption
- Cooking III: How not to
Inflict Your Diets on Other People
- Compliments: Accepting Them
Gracefully
- Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
- Classic Clothing: Wearing
Outfits You Already Have
- Household Dust: A Harmless
Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
- Integrating Your Laundry:
Washing It All Together
- Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs
Both
- TV Remotes: For Men Only
Submitted by Crystal, Mt.
Airy, Md.
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