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A woman and her
husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and
I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry,"
the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as
possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed.
"You're certainly a courageous woman," he said.
"Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband
and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Submitted by Bryan,
Idaho Falls, Id.
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Jokes About Marriage, My Little
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Weird Things You
Would Never Know!!
- Butterflies taste with their
feet.
- A duck's quack doesn't echo,
and no one knows why.
- In 10 minutes, a hurricane
releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons
combined.
- On average, 100 people choke
to death on ballpoint pens every year.
- On average people fear spiders
more than they do death.
- Ninety percent of New York
City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
- Thirty-five percent of the
people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
- Elephants are the only animals
that can't jump.
- Only one person in two billion
will live to be 116 or older.
- It's possible to lead a cow
upstairs...but not downstairs.
- Women blink nearly twice as
much as men.
- The Main Library at Indiana
University sinks over an inch every year because when it was
built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all
the books that would occupy the building.
- A snail can sleep for three
years.
- No word in the English
language rhymes with "MONTH".
- Average life span of a major
league baseball: 7 pitches.
- Our eyes are always the same
size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
- The electric chair was
invented by a dentist.
- All polar bears are left
handed.
- In ancient Egypt, priests
plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows
and eyelashes.
- An ostrich's eye is bigger
than its brain.
- TYPEWRITER is the longest word
that can be made using the letters only on one row of the
keyboard.
- "Go." is the
shortest complete sentence in the English language.
- A crocodile cannot stick its
tongue out.
- The cigarette lighter was
invented before the match.
- Americans on average eat 18
acres of pizza every day.
Submitted by Marianne,
Columbia, Md.
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Random thoughts
from comedian Steve Wright . . .
- Save the whales. Collect the
whole set.
- A day without sunshine is
like, night.
- On the other hand, you have
different fingers.
- I just got lost in thought. It
was unfamiliar territory.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics
are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the
rest a bad name.
- I feel like I'm diagonally
parked in a parallel universe.
- Honk if you love peace and
quiet.
- Remember, half the people you
know are below average.
- He who laughs last thinks
slowest.
- Depression is merely anger
without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the
worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive way too fast to worry
about cholesterol.
- Support bacteria. They're the
only culture some people have.
- Monday is an awful way to
spend 1/7 of your week.
- A clear conscience is usually
the sign of a bad > memory.
- Change is inevitable, except
from vending machines.
- Get a new car for your spouse.
It'll be a great trade!
- Plan to be spontaneous
tomorrow.
- Always try to be modest, and
be proud of it!
- If you think nobody cares, try
missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in
telekinesis? Raise my hand...
- How do you tell when you're
out of invisible ink?
- If everything seems to be
going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- When everything is coming your
way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the
future. Laziness pays off now.
- Everyone has a photographic
memory. Some just don't have film.
- If Barbie is so popular, why
do you have to buy her friends?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels
don't get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared
half to death twice?
- I used to have an open mind
but my brains kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your horn louder.
- Why do psychics have to ask
you for your name?
- Inside every older person is a
younger person wondering what the hell happened.
Submitted by Wink, Brooklyn,
NY
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