• Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
• Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
• Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
• Sell Girl Scout cookies.
• On a long ride, sway side-to-side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
• Shave.
• Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
• Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
• Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
• When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
• Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
• On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
• Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
• When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
• Meow, occasionally.
• Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
• Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go!" then sigh and say "Oops!"
• Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
• Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
• Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
• Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
• Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
• Leave a box between the doors.
• Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
• Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers, with it.
• Start a sing-along.
• When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
• Play the harmonica.
• Shadow box.
• Say "Ding!" at each floor.
• Lean against the button panel.
• Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
• Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
• Bring a chair along.
• Blow spit bubbles.
• Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
• Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
• Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
• Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
• Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Finally ...

• Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space"

• If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
• If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
• If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
• If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
• If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
• If you can overlook when people take things out
• on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
• If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
• If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
• If you can conquer tension without medical help,
• If you can relax without liquor,
• If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
• If you can do all these things, ..........

Then You Are Probably the Family Dog...

... and the younger preacher, feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was inquiring of the older preacher. The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals.

The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the WILL OF GOD for his life and for his ministry. Because of his high respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to TRY to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact it wasn't long before he realized how impossible it was to do so. Noticing the younger preacher's inability to unfold the rosebud while keeping it intact, the older preacher began to recite the following poem.

"It is only a tiny rosebud, a flower of God's design; but I cannot unfold the petals with these clumsy hands of mine. The secret of unfolding flowers is not known to such as I. GOD opens this flower so sweetly. When in my hands they die. If I cannot unfold a rosebud this flower of God's design. Then how can I have the wisdom to unfold this life of mine? So I'll trust in Him for leading each moment of my day. I will look to him for His guidance each step of the pilgrim way. The pathway that lies before me, only my Heavenly Father knows. I'll trust Him to unfold the moments, just as He unfolds the rose"