How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? ...
- I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
- Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
- I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
- I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
- The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade in value
- If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a
truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!
- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
- I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
- I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
- Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
- Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
- Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold.
Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the
medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.
He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign.
And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Hopefully the following will not offend anyone ... but we found it sufficiently interesting to pass it along
... Ever wonder where the word SHIT comes from? Well here it is:
Certain types of manure used to be transported (as everything was years ago) by ship. In dry form it weighed a lot less
than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is
methane gas.
As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below
decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered what was happening. After that, the bundles of
manure were always stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which meant to the sailors to "Ship High In Transit."
In other words, high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile
cargo and start the production of methane.
Bet you didn't know the history of that word.
Neither did I. I always thought it was a golf term.
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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How's your day going ...
Submitted by Barb, Unionville, Pa.
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