1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.
2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle, so never use them.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit.
5. The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way (remember no-fault insurance - he might not have as much to lose as you do).
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible, to insure that your antilock braking system kicks in; this will give you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.
8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Philly look progressive.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged - that's why they're paved.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Philly look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on the Schuylkill or anywhere downtown.
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Downtown Philly is the home of very high-speed slalom driving, thanks to PENDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways (where potholes haven't yet been established) for the same purpose.
15. It is considered correct in Philly to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.
16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.
17. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to New Jersey.
18. It's OK to back up along the shoulder of the road if you missed your exit, particularly if it is the Schuylkill or I95. This gives the other drivers a more challenging "moving target" rather than those stationary barrels.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

"What surprises you most about mankind?"

God answered:

• "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
• That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
• That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
• That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived..."

God's hands took mine and we were silent for while and then I asked...

"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

God replied with a smile:

• "To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
• To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
• To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
• To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
• To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
• To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
• To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
• To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
• To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.
• To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.
• To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."

I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Submitted by Dr. Patty, Rigoes, NJ