... runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Ohio and I'm driving the salt truck!"

• The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
• I don’t do drugs anymore ‘cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
• Sign in a Chinese pet store: "Buy one dot, get one flea."
• I have my own little world, But it’s OK…. They know me here.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
• I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
• The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
• There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the idiot you married.
• If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; If it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades… now THAT’S a message!
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
• I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect: therefore, I am perfect.
• Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
• If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
• Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
• Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
• Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
 

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not just to those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.