|
|
The Biggest Idiots of 2002
- I am a medical student currently doing
a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are
not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she
better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
- Early this year, some Boeing employees
on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the
747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and
home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they
noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it
wet; the paint might run.
- A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for
$40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the
police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he
received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
$40. Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth
thinking about)!
- A guy walked into a little corner store
with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw
a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give
it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it
to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man
was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours
later. This guy definitely needs a sign!
- A pair of Michigan robbers entered a
record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit
shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it
out himself.
- Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.
- Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime
column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Sign please.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page,
List of Funny
Stories, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
Childhood Trauma...
|
|
|
May 2nd Humor Page
|
|