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A woman wanted to repaint her house, so she called a contractor
... ... and set an
appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her
house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she
would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she
would like a nice, warm cream color.
The contractor wrote
something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled,
''Greenside up.''
The lady is a little confused, but doesn't
say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells
him, ''I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.''
The contractor writes something down on
his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside
up!''
The lady is really confused now but still
does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says,
''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.''
The contractor writes something on his pad
and again walks to the window and yells, ''Greenside up.''
The woman is now totally perplexed and
says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color
that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to
the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?''
The contractor replies, ''I have four
blondes laying sod across the street.''
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My Little
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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a
Harley motorcycle...
when he spotted a well-known heart
surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the
service manager to look at his bike when the mechanic shouted
across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked
over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his
hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open
its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put
them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So, how
come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks,
when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, leaned over and
whispered to him, "Try doing it with the engine running."
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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A few
rather creative plays plays on words ...
- Those who jump off a
bridge in Paris are in Seine.
- A man's home is his castle, in a manor
of speaking.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- Practice safe eating - always use
condiments.
- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or
death.
- A man needs a mistress just to break
the monogamy.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form
of floor play.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Condoms should be used on every
conceivable occasion.
- Reading while sunbathing makes you well
red.
- When two egoists meet, it's an I for an
I.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own
because it is two tired.
- Definition of a will: A dead give away.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies
like a banana.
- In democracy your vote counts. In
feudalism your count votes.
- She was engaged to a boyfriend with a
wooden leg but broke it off.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry
in motion.
- If you don't pay your exorcist, you get
repossessed.
- With her marriage, she got a new name
and a dress.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back
four seconds.
- The man who fell into an upholstery
machine is fully recovered.
- You feel stuck with your debt if you
can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: the
LAN down under.
- Every calendar's days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted - It taint
yours and it taint mine.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to
beat.
- A midget fortune-teller who escapes
from prison is a small medium at large.
- Those who get too big for their
britches will be exposed in the end.
- Once you've seen one shopping center,
you've seen a mall.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a
knead-to-know basis.
- Santa's helpers are subordinate
clauses.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Now this plumber knows how to get your attention ....
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August 2nd Humor Page
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