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Buying gifts for men is not
nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you
should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a
cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a
friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can
really never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless
drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men
love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your
ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket
yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke,
buy him anything for his car. A 99- cent ice scraper, a small
bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy
men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had
wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey
shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote
controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot
of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in
the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #7: Do not buy any man
industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told
they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as
good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be
labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door.
Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that
says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and
he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10: Good places to shop for men
include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere,
Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's
Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't
matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be
something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why
they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster
barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line
leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #12: Tickets to a football game are a
smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A
Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever,
buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please
refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.
Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good
wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man
a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes
them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
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