Humor Additions for February 16th, 2004


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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father.. "

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, PA.
 

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The difference between margarine and butter ...
  • Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.
  • Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.
  • Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods. Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!
  • Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods.
  • Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around forless than 100 years.

Now for Margarine...

  • Very high in Trans Fatty Acids... Triple risk of Coronary Heart Disease..
  • Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol)
  • Lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) .... Increases the risk of cancers by up to five fold...
  • Lowers quality of breast milk ... Decreases immune response...
  • Decreases insulin response. And here is the most disturbing fact....

Here Is the Part That Is Very Interesting!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC...This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).

YOU can try this yourself: purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things: no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something) ... it does not rot or smell differently .. because it has no nutritional value, nothing will grow on it ... even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow.

Why? Because it is nearly plastic.

Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?
 

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.
 

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Proof that Angels do have wings

An article in National Geographic several years ago provided a Penetrating picture of God's wings.

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage.

One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree.

Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings.

The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but refused to abandon her babies.

When the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live.

 

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Why men shouldn't baby-sit ...


 


Feb 13th Humor Page