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Once there lived a woman who
had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but
unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became
apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is
such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying
on."
She made the supreme sacrifice and gave
up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home
from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband
and told him that she would be late because she had to walk
home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and
the smell of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would
walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and be!
fore she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked
beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home
she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her
and exclaimed delightedly, Darling, I have a surprise for dinner
tonight.
He then blindfolded her and led her to
her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was
about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned. He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were
still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost
unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized
the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air
around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and
ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the
conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the
end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her
napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it,
smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when
her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked
her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold,
and she was surprised to find the room filled with friends and
staring at her in shocked disbelief ... unbeknownst to her, her
husband had invited them over for a surprise party!
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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