Humor Additions for June 8th 2005
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A charity noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution ...

This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?" A staffer suggested.

"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"

The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"

The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."

"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"

The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."

"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"

The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."

"The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
 

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A redneck had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road ...

... jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."

In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer become dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next!"

God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says: "Send him back or I'll sue!"

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia
 

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