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A Norwegian man wanted a job ... ... but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first
question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Norwegian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Norwegian.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Norwegian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and do his business by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I
start?"
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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More totally useless facts for you to know
- The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929. "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
- Mosquito repellents don't repel, they hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito sensors so they don't know you're there.
- Dentists have recommended that toothbrushes be kept at least 8 feet away from toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
- The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
- American car horns beep in the tone of F.
- No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
- Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
- 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
- You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
- Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age or older.
- The 1st product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
- The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
- A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's 1st flight.
- Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
- The 1st CD pressed in the U S was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
- Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
- Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
- The 1st owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
- Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
- Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a PEZ dispenser.
- Michael Jordan makes more money from NIKE annually than all the NIKE factory workers in Malaysia combined.
- Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
- Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes.
- All US presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
- Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
- The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
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| It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana
Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery. Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news.
That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.
At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature. Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs.
"I don't think she's going to make it," he said, as kindly as he could.
"There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one."
Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.
She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.
"No! No!" was all Diana could say.
She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four. Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away.
But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana.
Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love. All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the
ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl.
There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger. But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.
At last, when Dana turned two months old, her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time. And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went
home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.
Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life. She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end
of her story.
One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother, Dustin's baseball team was practicing.
As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent
Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, "Do you smell that?"
Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, "Yes, it smells like rain."
Dana closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?"
Once again, her mother replied, "Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain."
Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced,
"No, it smells like Him. It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest."
Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children.
Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.
During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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| Why branding horses is not for the weak of body ... download video Submitted by Rich, Middleburg, Va.
Surprisingly, according to frequent joke contributor and blacksmith - Dick, of Williamsport, Md., the brander was not injured ...
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Hunting Texas style 
Submitted by Dick, of Williamsport, Md. |
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Feb 17th Humor Page
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