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Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible
that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| Ole, Helga, and Little Ole are valking downtown Minneapolis ... ... von sommer day fen Little Ole looks in a building and
spots somting funny luukin. He go tru da door and luuks at a big silver door in da middle of da vall. A little gray haired grandma luukin lady valks up tu da door and pushes a button on da vall next tuit. De door it open, den da door it close...da numbers day go up and da numbers day come
down again. Ven da door it open again, out sept dis reelly guut luukin younk lady yust dressed to da "9's". Vell, Little Ole's eyes day get reel big and he luuks at his papa and say, "Papa, papa, I never see a machine like dat before."
"Nieter have I son," says Ole. "But push dat button again and shove your Ma in dare vould ya."
Submitted by Deb, Aberdeen, Washington
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Scottish DUI Test - Download Video Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, PA.
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Pet Customs ... What man's best friend is willing to put up with!
Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia
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Feb 24th Humor Page
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