Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."
Bank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Bank:" Do I think God... excuse me, what did you say?"
Me: "Do you understand what I was telling you... specifically the part about her being... dead?"
Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Bank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew, but feel free to contact her lawyer at: XXX"
Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure."
( Later, After they have gotten the fax. )
Bank: "Our system just isn't set up to handle this..."
Me: "Oh..."
Bank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
Bank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Bank: "That might help."
Me: "Fredrickson Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 19 and plot number 233."
Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "Yes sir, that's what we do with our departed loved ones."