One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a true pessimist and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but didn't say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything funny about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim!"

"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"

"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.

"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.

"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.

"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."

"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.

"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

You Know You've Booked a Cheap Flight When?

• As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt.
• The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.
• The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.
• The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear
• A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O.
• A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.
• Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
• A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.
• A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.