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| A young man called his mother and announced excitedly... ... that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's a wonderful gesture."
"We hadn't started eating yet." He replied.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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You're a teacher if...
- You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
- You find humor in other people's stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
- You believe chocolate is a food group.
- You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
- You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
- You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
- When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know to correct their behavior.
- You have no life between August to June.
- You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
- You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
- You believe in aerial Prozac spraying.
- You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
- You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
- You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
- You know you are in for a major project when a parent says: "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
- You want to choke a person when they say "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
- Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in California... ..., I was stopped by a state trooper in Kansas for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my
grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.
Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked.
"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Father O'Brian, a young priest, was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska.
After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.
Father O'Brian said "this is a very lonely job and I don't think that I could have made it this long without my Rosary and two martinis each day."
"What?!" Exclaimed the Bishop. "You've taken to drinking? What kind of example is that to set for the community? This doesn't reflect well on the church."
"But the loneliness, I just couldn't stand it. If it weren't for my Rosary and those two martinis a day, I would surely have gone insane."
The Bishop thought a moment, then said "I guess that is understandable considering..."
With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?"
The Bishop said, "well, I really shouldn't but...Yes, that would be nice. I think I will, but just this once."
The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Hey Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"
Submitted by Dave, Emmitsburg, Md.
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There! I Fixed it !! 
 
Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
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Nov 9th Humor Page
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