So the farmer leaves for the fields, and a while later, the artificial insemination man arrives. Amy takes him down the long row of cows until she sees the nail, and tells him, "This is the one. This one right here!"

Terribly impressed, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"By the nail over its stall," Amy explains.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

"Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been cold, wet, and damp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey."

"No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."

"Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and flew away.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"

"Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements on every table."

"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.

"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

Ready to see how many you got correct?  They are all true. . . . Now go back and think about #16

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.

Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won!

Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew his savings and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.

Mitch bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last.

Mitch was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings too, thanks to you!!

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites.

Submitted by Pat, Blue Mt Lake, Va.