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| An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy... ... when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
Submitted by John, Waynesboro, Pa.
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Lawyer Jokes, My Little
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Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest.
At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.
"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."
"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.
"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the . . . in a sensitive area."
"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?"
"Southern Methodist."
"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
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| What Is a Grandparent?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
- Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.
- A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!
- Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard, or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and spend money on us, cos Grampy has loads of money!
- When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
- They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'
- They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
- Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
- They wear glasses and funny underwear.
- They can take their teeth and gums out.
- Grandparents don't have to be smart.
- They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
- When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
- Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
- They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
- A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. Oh he said she lives at the airport, and when we want her we just go and get her. Then when she's done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.
- Grandad is the smartest man on earth He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him !!!
- It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."
She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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May 28th Humor Page |
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