• A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
   
• Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
   
• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
   
• Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?"

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.
 

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JACK (age 3) was watching his Mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn t remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don ' t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mum good night "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mum explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don ' t know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mum will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his up turned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mum, what is butt dust?"

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia
 

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Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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..., was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.

"Don't play with your food," one second-grader cited.

"Don't be loud," said another, and so on.

"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one little boy.

Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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Submitted by Marion, Havertown, Pa.
 

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Submitted by Bill, Gettysburg, Pa.
 

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Last my daughter, her husband, my 5 year old granddaughter and 3 year old grandson were all getting ready to eat supper. 

My daughter tells my grandson to not start eating until they say the grace. 

My grandson replied: "I'm not eating. This stuff is sticking to my spoon and I am cleaning it off!"

Submitted by Diane, Valdosta, GA

As my 3 year old daughter Hannah and I were walking out of our front door for school, Hannah looked at our Bradford pear tree in full bloom and exclaimed "look Mommy, Daddy put those pretty flowers in the tree just for me."

I chuckled and told her "honey, I think Jesus put those flowers in the tree" and my daughter looked at me and told me very matter of fact "

Mommy, I think Jesus helped Daddy put the flowers in that tree."

Never underestimate the little girl's love for her Daddy!

Submitted by Jo Marie, Lexington, South Carolina

My 4 year old son Tommy was talking about snow one day and then asked me, “Mommy, do you know what snow is?”

Without waiting for me to answer he said. “Snow is when the clouds shiver.”

Submitted by Becky, Bay City, Tx

My 5-year old recently heard George Washington mentioned on the television. He said, "George Washington! I know who he is. He's one of the heads!" Heads meaning Mt. Rushmore.

Submitted by Kristi, Hampstead, MD
 

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...she was going around in turn asking them all questions.

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
 

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Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

• After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
   
• A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. "I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard." "We rode our pony." "We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
   
• My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
   
• A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "You know I can't read yet."
   
• I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these for yourself!"
   
• A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were finally ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
   
• Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grandpa, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
   
• When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered "It's too late grandpa, the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
   
• When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."
   
• A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool even though she was worried what the child may have been told. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
   
•  A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No, said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Florida
 

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"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, PA.
 

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• A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
• After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
• I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from E-mail.
• One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
• A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
• Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
• A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

Submitted by Bill, Gettysburg, Pa.

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