Submitted by Jamie, Crofton, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

Submitted by Ron, Germantown, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

. . .for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again. "To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
  

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. What's your secret?

George replied, "God and me are tight. For example, He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off."

"Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?"

Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

Submitted by Dave, Emmitsburg, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

Submitted by Marianne, Colombia, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

. .  .and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

• Your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
• Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
• A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
• You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
• Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
• When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
• When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
• "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
• "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
• An "All nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Submitted by Peggy, Brunswick, Md.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!

But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl). "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know...I haven't had a cold all winter."
  

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

. . . who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, Earl.  She decided that she would just Kill herself and join him in death.
 
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
 
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
 
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off
to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing?!" he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble crapping?"

"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms.*She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in

conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more.

Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one......you're a great lover Morris."

Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says, "Was I already here"
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

. . . wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices, too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"

Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"

Sam says, "How about 'rose'?"

"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife, "Rose! Hey, Rose! What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes

. . . both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it. I could have sworn we went through a red light.

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red; again they went right through.

This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just went through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!!!"

Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh shit, am I driving?"

Go to page 2 of Jokes About Aging

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes