Bubba asked, "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being North Carolina, and me being a Southern boy I should get the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied, "Bubba, its like this, on question #4 the Yankee put down 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."

In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"

• You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
• Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
• You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
• Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
• Your junior prom offered day care.
• You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
• You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
• One of your kids was born on a pool table.
• You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
• You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
• You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

"'Last few years," he said, "I took yur advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii, and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti, and durned if Earline didn't get pregnant again." "I ain't gonna do THAT agin."

Luther asked Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna' do this year that's differnt?"

Billy Bob replied, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."

Folks in Georgia now go to the movies in groups of 18 or more since they were told that in some theaters "17 and under are not admitted".

The minimum drinking age in Tennessee was raised to age 32 in an attempt to keep alcohol out of high schools.

Reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi are considered documentaries.

You know you are in Kentucky when you call the front desk from your motel room and tell the clerk "I've gotta leak in my sink", and he says, "go ahead...you paid for the room".

You can tell if a West Virginia redneck is married. There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

A new lottery system is in effect in Florida. It pays out $3,000,000 to the lucky winner. That is, $3 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Little Rock was almost destroyed by fire.. In fact, the entire trailer park was almost lost.

• Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
• You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
• You have a relative living in your garage.
• Your neighbor asked to borrow a quart of beer.
• There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
• You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
• None of the tires on your van are the same size.
• You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
• Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
• Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
• Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
• Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
• You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
• Starting your car involves popping the hood.
• Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
• You whistle at women in church.
• You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
• You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
• You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the back seat.
• You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.

Submitted by Earl, Germantown, Md.

And least we forget ...

• The tires on your truck cost more than the truck

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,etc.,but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood. After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.

Morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!"

Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, and your bloodshot eyes but, mostly....it's all those band aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"

"Is yer pa home?" he asked.

"No sir, he sure ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town."

"Well," said the farmer. "Is yer ma home?"

"No, she ain't here either. She went to town with pa."

"Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?"

"No sir, he went with pa and ma."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I kin do fer ya'?" inquired the young boy politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message fer pa."

Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he finally conceded. "I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe."

• Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
• You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
• You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
• You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts) .
• You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
• For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
• You don't know what a moon pie is.
• You've never had an RC Cola.
• You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.
• You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
• You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
• You have no idea what a polecat is.
• You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
• You don't have bangs.
• You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.
• You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
• You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes."
• You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
• You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
• You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach
• You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
• The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
• You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
• You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.
• The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
• You call binoculars opera glasses.
• You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
• You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
• You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
• You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.
• You've never been to a craft show.
• You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
• None of your fur coats are homemade.
• You have no idea who the Allisons or Pettys are.