when
I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home
recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of
Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone
knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken,
which is why the government made them change their name to KFC.
Anyway, one day this guy went
to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full
of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub
he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on
his mirror that said "Call 911!" . . .
But he was afraid to use his
phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a
virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he
opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax
because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on
software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers
get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie
recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.
(It's true - I read it all last
week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also
promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would
forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call
911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice
on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave
the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense.
Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that
said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."
Luckily he was only a few
blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in
the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society
has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I
sent him two e-mails . . .
And one of them was a bunch of
x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward
it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10
people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer
than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to
drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another
car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang
initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends
who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green
m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble will
report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad
luck: you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in
your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using
the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and
the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true 'cause
I read it on the Internet.
Submitted by Jean, Spokane,
Wa.
