A
team of archaeologists excavating in
Israel came upon a cave.
Written
across the cave wall were the following
symbols, in this order of appearance from
left to right: a woman, a donkey, a
shovel, a fish, and a Star of David.
It was
considered a unique find, and the writings
were said to be at least three thousand
years old. The piece of stone was removed,
brought to the museum, and archaeologists
from around the world came to study the
ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting
after months of conferences to discuss the
meaning of the markings.
The
president of the society summarized
findings and pointed at the first symbol.
"This looks like a woman. We can
judge that this race was family oriented
and held women in high esteem. You can
also tell they were intelligent, as the
next symbol resembles a donkey; so, they
were smart enough to have animals help
them till the soil.
The next
drawing looks like a shovel of some sort,
which means they even had tools to help
them. Even further proof of their high
intelligence is the fish, which means that
if a famine had hit the earth and food
didn't grow, they would take to the sea
for food. The last symbol appears to be
the Star of David, which means they were
evidently Hebrews."
The
audience applauded enthusiastically. But,
a little old man stood up in the back of
the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is
read from right to left. It says, 'Holy
Mackerel! Dig the ass on that
woman!'"
|
Return to: Top
of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
A
young boy goes off to college, but about
1/3 way through the semester ...
... he
has foolishly squandered what money his
parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he
wonders, "How am I gonna get more
dough?" Then he gets an idea. He
calls his father. "Dad," he
says, "you won't believe the wonders
that modern education are coming up with!
Why, they actually have a program here
that will teach Fido how to talk!"
"That's
absolutely amazing!" his father says.
"How do I get him in that
program?"
"Just
send him down here with $1000," the
boy says, "I'll get him into the
course." So, his father sends the dog
and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the
semester, the money runs out. The boy
calls his father again.
"So
how's Fido doing, son?" his father
asks.
"Awesome,
dad, he's talking up a storm," he
says, "but you just won't believe
this - they've had such good results with
this program, that they've implemented a
new one to teach the animals how to
READ!"
"READ!?"
says his father, "No kidding! What do
I have to do to get him in that
program?"
"Just
send $2,500, I'll get him in the
class." And his father sends the
money. At the end of the semester, the boy
has a problem. When he gets home, his
father will find out that the dog can
neither talk nor read. So he shoots the
dog. When he gets home, his father is all
excited.
"Where's
Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk
and listen to him read something!"
"Dad,"
the boy says, "I have some grim news.
This morning, when I got out of the
shower, Fido was in the living room
kicking back in the recliner, reading the
morning paper, like he usually does. Then
he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your
daddy still messin' around with that
little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'
"
The
father says, "I hope you SHOT that
lyin' dog!"
"I
sure did, Dad!"
"That's
my boy!"
Submitted
by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
Recently
at the Univ. of South Carolina, students
in the psychology program ...
... were
attending their first class on emotional
extremes. "Just to establish some
parameters," said the professor, to
the student from Arkansas, "What is
the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness,"
said the student.
"And
the opposite of depression?" he asked
of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation,"
she said.
"And
you sir," he said to the young man
from Texas, "what about the opposite
of woe?"
The Texan
replied, "Sir, I believe that would
be 'giddy up'."
Submitted
by Kevin, Dallas, Tx.
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Redneck Jokes, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
Back
to March 29 Humor Page
|
|