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Jay and his
blonde wife live in Chicago.
One winter morning while
listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We
are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park
your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the
snowplow can get through."
Jay's wife goes out and moves
her car.
A week later while they are
eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are
expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on
the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get
through."
Jay's wife goes out and moves
her car again.
The next week they are having
breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are
expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...",
then the electric power goes out.
Jay's wife says, "Honey, I
don't know what to do."
Jay says, "Why don't
you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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Three women die
together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter
says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step
on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there
are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to
step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them,
the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter
with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them
together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck
is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman
accidentally steps on a duck, and along come St. Peter, who
doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly
man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the
first woman.
The third woman has observed
all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an
ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to
go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter
comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid
eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St.
Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The woman remarks, "I
wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of
eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what
you did, but I stepped on a duck."
Submitted by Maryann,
Columbia, Md.
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20 signs your
dressage test need work . . .
- Under judges remarks she
writes only: "Nice braid job."
- Horse confuses dressage
arena rail for a cavaletti; exits at K.
- Your circles shape reminds
the judge that he should pick up eggs on the way home.
- Your serpentine was perfect,
except that it was supposed to be a straight centerline.
- Sitting trot has caused some
fillings to be loosened in lower molars.
- Your horse believes
"free walk" means leaving the arena and heading
towards the nearest patch of grass.
- Your working trot had you
working harder then your horse.
- In your salute, your
inadvertently use your whip hand causing your horse to
perform airs above the ground.
- Your walk seems to be more
"rare" than "medium."
- Impulsion improves only
after the horse sees monsters in the decorative shrubbery
near letters.
- Your horse's response to the
canter aid is "Can't, er, what?"
- Your twenty meter circle
involved jumping the rail twice.
- Your halt took place in the
judge's lap, instead of at X.
- Your thoroughbred
interpreted elasticity to involve trying to kick himself in
the head with his back feet during the working canter.
- Your horse entered the arena
at A, and M, and H, and B...
- Judge's comments include
words like "unusual, dramatic, explosive, and
tragic"
- Leg-yields involve your leg
yielding before the horse does.
- Free walk was interpreted by
your Arab to involve prancing, a rear, and a few bucks.
- The judge asks you take the
broken letters with you when you leave.
- Voodoo dolls of your horse
were found in the possession of the show's grounds manager.
Submitted by Natalie, Onley, Md.
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