The following are taken from real Cover Letters, and were printed in the July 21st issue of Fortune Magazine:

• "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details."
• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
• "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
• "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
• "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
• "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
• "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
• "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
• "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
• "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
• "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
• "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
• "Marital status: often. Children: various."
• "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
• "Finished eighth in class of ten."
• "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.

His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bbile diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."

The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

The rabbi said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.

• Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
• I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
• If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
• Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
• I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
• Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
• If the shoe fits .... buy it in every color.
• If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
• If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
• Some days are a total waste of makeup.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
• Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
• Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
• By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
• Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.