Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse is taking their sweet time:
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what
happens.
- Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
- Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
- Put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
- Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
- Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and
Bath.
- When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
- Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
- Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon vs. the X-Men.
- Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
- While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
- Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
- Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
- Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
- In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
- Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
- When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume "It's those voices again!"
- If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a
little umbrella in it.
- Go into the dressing room and yell real loud, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
Hope ya'll have fun Christmas shopping this year!!
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted back to his wife, "What setting do I set the washing machine
on?" ...
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Atlanta Braves."...
Submitted by Patty, Essex, NJ.
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In my next life .... I wanna be a female bear
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially
grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of
line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body
fat.
Yup..... I wanna be a bear.
Submitted by Barb, Unionville, PA.
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