T'was the night of
thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep ...
I tried counting backwards, I tried
counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned - the dark meat
and white
But I fought the temptation with all of my might
Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open
the door
And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered
potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so
round,
'Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling,
floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell as I soared
past the trees....
Happy eating to all - pass the cranberries, please.
May your stuffing be tasty, may your
turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious may your
pies take the prize,
May your thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.
Submitted by Patty, Essex, NJ
|
Return to: Top
of Page,
Seasonal Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
When I was a young
turkey, new to the coop ...
My big brother Tom took me out on the
stoop.
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real
slow,
And he told me there was something that I just had to know;
His look and his tone I will always
remember,
When he told me of horrors... .come late in November.;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll
get six meals instead of just three,
And soon you'll be thick, where once
you were thin, And
you'll grow a big rubbery thing on your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're
warm in your bed,
the farm wife comes in and hacks off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out your feathers
so you're all bald
'n pink, And scoop out your innerds right there in the
sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he
said...... I'm not
bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks wide n' pack your
rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too
grim to repeat, I
sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid
being cooked, I'm
gonna lay low to remain overlooked
I began a new diet of nuts and
granola, High-roughage
salads, carrot juice,... diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolate,
and crepes, I
stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds
and a half, And
act like i'm sick when the bigger birds laughed;
for 'twas I who was laughing, under my
breath, As they
chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when late November
rolled around, I was
the last turkey left walking around......
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's
wife's lap; I haven't
a worry, so I eat...... and I nap;
She holds me all day, while sewing and
humming, And
smiles at me, and says: "Christmas is coming"
Submitted by Kate,
Charleston, SC
|
Return to: Top
of Page,
Seasonal Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
A Yankee lawyer went duck
hunting in eastern North Carolina.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell
into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the
lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him
what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it
fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my
property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of
the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me
get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North
Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC
Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC
three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you
three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back
and forth, until someone gives up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought
about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take
the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from
the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick
planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer's
groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped
the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly
when the farmer's third kick to his kidney nearly caused him to
give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of
his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old
redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I
give up. You can have the duck."
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Redneck Jokes, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
In the long standing
White House Thanksgiving tradition ...
... President Bush pardoned a turkey today.
This year, the Presidential pardon was
granted to Bill Clinton.
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Political Jokes,
My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
Chicken Horror Movie - sorry we
could find a Turkey one!
|
|
|
Nov
25 Humor Page |
|