Humor Additions for Monday, Dec 18th, 2003


    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


Who started Christmas?

This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable. And after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot.

"From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't worry we already crucified him."

For the rest of the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it, just think of how different this whole world would be.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, Christmas Joke List, My Little Sister's Jokes,


If women ruled the world ...

  • Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
  • PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
  • Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
  • Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pocket.
  • A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.
  • Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 30 pounds.
  • Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
  • "Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
  • Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
  • Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
  • Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks".
  • Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
  • Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles because there would be no pictures.
  • Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful" and "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit".
  • Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.
  • Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
  • Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.
  • All toilet seats would be nailed down.
  • Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
  • TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.
  • All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.
  • During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds.
  • Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
  • After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot. For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.

Submitted by Kate, Columbia, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Men, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Best Weather Pictures of  2003 - Take 1


Dec 3rd Humor Page