They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk.

After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dogfight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund.

Everyone felt sorry for Bush because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghan dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American Dachshund----but when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite.

There was nothing left at all, of his dog.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

To thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory following a long illness. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen, which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I have seen to it that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
- Will Rogers

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made."
- M. Facklam

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."
- Anonymous

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard."
- Dave Barry

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."
- Franklin P. Jones

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise."
- Unknown

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl."
- Penny Ward Moser

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
- Robert Benchley

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
- Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money."
- Joe Weinstein

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
- Ann Landers

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
- Ben Williams

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
- Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
- Andrew A. Rooney

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we are the greatest hunters on earth!"
-Anne Tyler

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
- James Thurber

"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!"
- Dr. Tony Maklin