If policemen where allowed
to say what they really thought ...
- "The handcuffs are tight because
they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
- "If you run, you'll only go to jail
tired."
- "So, you don't know how fast you were
going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the
ticket, huh?"
- "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift
supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention
that I am the shift supervisor?"
- "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm
warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another
ticket."
- "The answer to this last question will
determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat
or dog?"
- "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more
tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
- "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're
stupid."
- "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many
tickets as we want."
- "Just how big were those two beers?"
- "In God we trust, all others are
suspects."
Submitted by
Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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The drunken wino was
stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb ...
...and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to
take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya
absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper.
"Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's
a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
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A deputy police officer responded to a
report of a barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well
over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he
boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're
also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy
continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all
I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly
you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled
and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant
growled."
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he
replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're
under arrest."
Submitted by John, Upton, Long Island,
NY
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A man was in no shape to
drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was
stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?"
said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at
this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.
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Jan
10th Humor Page
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