• Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have e-mail.
• Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screensaver.
• You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
• Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
• Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.
• Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.
• You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
• You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
• Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
• Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
• You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
• You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
• You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
• You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
• You wake up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and check your e-mail on your way back to bed.

Martha Stewart: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Women: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha Stewart: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Real Women: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha Stewart: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up eating it anyway

Martha Stewart: If you accidentally knock over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
Real Women: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha Stewart: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Real Women: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha Stewart: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.

Martha Stewart: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Martha Stewart: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Women: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

And finally the most important tip:

Martha Stewart: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and other dishes.
Real Women: Leftover wine?