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Grandpa's Words of Wisdom
- Whether a man winds up with the nest
egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he
marries.
- Trouble in marriage often starts when a
man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
- Too many couples marry for better or
for worse, but not for good.
- When a man marries a woman, they become
one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- If a man has enough "horse sense" to
treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old
nag.
- Judgin' from the specimens they pick
for husbands, it's no wonder that brides often blush.
- On anniversaries the wise husband
always forgets the past...but never the present.
- A foolish husband remarks to his wife:
"Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'.
No wife of mine is gonna work."
- The bonds of matrimony are a good
investment only when the interest is kept up.
- Many girls like to marry a military man
- he can cook, sew, make bed, and is in good health...and he's
already used to taking orders.
- Grandpappy and his wife were discussin'
their 50th wedding anniversary when she said, "Shall I kill a
chicken tonight?" "Naw," said Grandpappy, "Why blame a bird for
something' that happened 50 years ago?"
Submitted by Debbie, Proud
Wife of
Paul,
Middletown, Md. |
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A man was brought to Mercy
Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well, and as the groggy
man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy
waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the
nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how
you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by
insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in New Mexico," the
patient replied, "but she's a spinster nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the
nun replied. "They are married to God."
"Okay," the man said with a smile. "Then
send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md.
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Democrat vs. Republican In
terms most of us can understand.
There was a young teenage girl that was about
to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be
a very liberal Democrat and her father was a rather staunch
conservative Republican. One day she was challenging her father on
his beliefs and his opposition to programs like welfare, a large
benevolent government, and rich-to-poor tax equalization.
He stopped her and asked her how she was
doing in school. She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was
really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go
out and party and often went sleepless because all of the
studying. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really
have many college friends because of all her studying.
He then asked how her friend Mary, that
was attending the same college, was doing. She replied that she
was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, was very
popular on campus and was at parties all the time. She often
wouldn't show up for classes because she was hung over.
He then asked his daughter why she didn't
go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her
4.0 and give it to her friend that only had a 2.0. That way they
would both have a 3.0 GPA. She fired back and said "that wouldn't
be fair, I worked really hard for mine and my friend has done
nothing".
After a moment of silence, she replied, "I
guess I will never vote Democrat again."
Submitted by Lisa,
Libertytown, Md.
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Have a few laughs with some classic George
W. Bush quotes!
- "The vast majority of our imports come
from outside the country."
- "If we don't succeed, we run the risk
of failure."
- "One word sums up probably the
responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be
prepared'."
- "I have made good judgments in the
past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- "The future will be better tomorrow."
- "We're going to have the best educated
American people in the world."
- "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we
are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are
a part of Europe."
- "Public speaking is very easy."
- "A low voter turnout is an indication
of fewer people going to the polls."
- "We are ready for any unforeseen event
that may or may not occur."
- "For NASA, space is still a high
priority."
- "Quite frankly, teachers are the only
profession that teach our children."
- "It isn't pollution that's harming the
environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it."
- "It's time for the human race to enter
the solar system."
- "I stand by all the misstatements that
I've made."
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Jan
22nd Humor Page |
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