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A Blonde planned to spend almost
all of her vacation sunbathing ...
She found the ideal spot on the
roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a smooth,
raised "deck" which received the sun all day long. She wore a
bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that
since no one could see her way up there that she would slip out of
it and get rid of the tan lines on her back.
She'd been lying there on her
stomach for a little while, when she heard someone running up the
stairs towards the roof.
Startled, she did have time to
pull on her suit and since she was lying on her stomach, She just
just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the
flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from
running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing up
here, but would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit,
as you did yesterday".
"YESTERDAY!" she exclaimed,
rather irritated..."Have you been following me around? And
besides, what difference does it make ANYWAY since no one except a
nosy assistant manager can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm
covered with a towel."
"Well, that would be true," said
the embarrassed little man, "Except for the fact that you're lying
on the dining room skylight."
Submitted by
Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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My Little
Sister's Jokes,
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How to Stay Young (George Carlin)
- Throw out nonessential numbers. This
includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about
them. That is why you pay him/her.
- Keep only cheerful friends. The
grouches pull you down.
- Keep learning. Learn more about the
computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.
" An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is
Alzheimer's.
- Enjoy the simple things.
- Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until
you gasp for breath.
- The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and
move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is
ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
- Surround yourself with what you love,
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies,
whatever. Your home is your refuge.
- Cherish your health: If it is
good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is
beyond what you can improve, get help.
- Don't take guilt trips. Take a
trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but
NOT to where the guilt is.
- Tell the people you love that you love
them, at every opportunity.
And always remember: Life is not measured
by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our
breath away.
Submitted by Pat, Blue Lake, Va.
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Now that I'm older, here's what
I've discovered...
- I started out with nothing ...
I still have most of it.
- When did my wild oats turn to
prunes and All-Bran?
- I finally got my head
together; now my body is falling apart.
- Funny, I don't remember being
absent minded.
- All reports are in. Life is
now officially unfair.
- If all is not lost, where is
it?
- It is easier to get older than
it is to get wiser.
- The first rule of holes: If
you are in one, stop digging.
- I went to school to become a
wit, only got halfway through.
- Some days you're the dog, some
days you're the hydrant.
- A day without sunshine is like
a day in Seattle.
- Kids in the back seat cause
accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- It's not the pace of life that
concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.
- It's hard to make a comeback,
especially when you haven't been anywhere.
- If God wanted me to touch my
toes, he would have put them on my knees.
- When you're finally holding
all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
Submitted by Larry,
Walkersville, Md.
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May
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