Humor Additions for Monday, Nov 24th, 2003


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A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi...

...all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.

"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted

nothing to do with me and began to slap me. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle...we dunk! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestle down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a crick. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's holy word, and praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Oi, you fellows don't know what trouble is until you try to circumcise one of those hairy buggers.

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, MD
 

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When I was a young turkey, new to the coop ...

My big brother Tom took me out on the stoop.

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I just had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of horrors... .come late in November.;

"Come about August, now listen to me, Each day you'll
get six meals instead of just three,

And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, And
you'll grow a big rubbery thing on your chin;

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
the farm wife comes in and hacks off your head;

"Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're all bald
'n pink, And scoop out your innards right there in the
sink;

"And then comes the worst part" he said...... I'm not
bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks wide n' pack your
rear with stuffing".

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat, I
sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'm
gonna' lay low to remain overlooked

I began a new diet of nuts and granola, High-roughage
salads, carrot juice,... diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolate, and crepes, I
stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half, And
act like I'm sick when the bigger birds laughed;

for 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath, As they
chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when late November rolled around, I was
the last turkey left walking around......

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap; I haven't
a worry, so I eat...... and I nap;

She holds me all day, while sewing and humming, And
smiles at me, and says: "Christmas is coming"

Submitted by Kate, Columbia, MD
 

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Turkey's Don't Mooooooo!


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