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The Queen and President Bush
were riding in a coach to Buckingham Palace ...
...
discussing the difficulties in
establishing order in Iraq when the left wheel horse lifted his
tail and let loose a miasmic cloud of gas.
After several moments of
embarrassed silence the Queen said, "Well. Mr. President, as you
can see even the Queen can't control everything."
The President replied, "I
appreciate that Your Majesty. But until you mentioned it I
thought that horse had done it."
Submitted by Tom, Willow
Pond Farm
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Little Morris returning
home from his first day at school and asked his mother, "What's
sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most
modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation,
covering all aspects of the hard to explain subject...to a six
year old.
When she had finished, Little Morris
produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school
and said,
...."Yes Mommy, but how am I going to get
all that into this one little square?
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport. Md.
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New word winners for 2003
...
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a
tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to
start with.
- Reintardation: Coming back to life as
a hillbilly.
- Bozone: The substance surrounding
stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, fortunately, shows little sign of breaking down
in the near future.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a
house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite period.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted
very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author
of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee
intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon: It's like, when
everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of
getting through the day consuming only things that are good
for you.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler Effect: The tendency of
stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic
dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through
a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of
a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn
after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid
and an arsehole
Submitted by
Debbie, Middletown,
Md.
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Nov
19th Humor Page |
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