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A blonde, a brunette, & a red
head construction workers were working on a sky-scraper ...
... and always ate lunch on the top of the
building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch,
The red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always
had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having
the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said
that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they
would have to jump off of the top of the building.
The next day, the blonde was found dead on
the ground by the building. The wife of the three builders
were there and they started to talk. The red head's wife said
to the other two wives, "I packed my husband a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich so he wouldn't jump off."
The wife of the brunette said to the
other two wives, "I packed my husband a turkey sandwich so he wouldn't
jump off." They both looked at the wife of the blonde and she
said:" Don't look at me, my husband packs his own lunch!"
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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected
... a half-gallon of 2%
milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine
lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the
conveyor belt to check out, a Drunk standing behind her watched as
she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her
purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but she was Intrigued by the derelict's intuition,
since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt
and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that
could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she
said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on
earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
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Hominym
humor
- Those who jump off a
bridge in Paris are in Seine.
- A backward poet writes in verse.
- A man's home is his castle, in a manor
of speaking.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- Practice safe eating - always use
condiments.
- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or
death.
- A man needs a mistress just to break
the monogamy.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form
of floor play.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Condoms should be used on every
conceivable occasion.
- Reading while sunbathing makes you well
red.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for
an I.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own
because it is two tired.
- What's the definition of a will? (It's
a dead giveaway.)
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies
like a banana.
- In democracy your vote counts. In
feudalism your count votes.
- She was engaged to a boyfriend with a
wooden leg but broke it off.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry
in motion.
- If you don't pay your exorcist, you get
repossessed.
- With her marriage, she got a new name
and a dress.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back
four seconds.
- The man who fell into an upholstery
machine is fully recovered.
- You feel stuck with your debt if you
can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: the
LAN down under.
- He often broke into song because he
couldn't find the key.
- Every calendar's days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted - It taint
yours and it taint mine.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to
beat.
- He had a photographic memory that was
never developed.
- A plateau is a high form of flattery.
- A midget fortune-teller who escapes
from prison is a small medium at large.
- Those who get too big for their
britches will be exposed in the end.
- Once you've seen one shopping center,
you've seen a mall.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a
knead-to-know basis.
- Santa's helpers are subordinate
clauses.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Submitted by Dave Humphrey, Bolder, Co.
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Sept
29th Humor Page
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