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A new scam is being pulled mainly on older men ...
What happens is that when you stop for a red light a young, nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car. They are very good at this.
They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday. I wasn't able to find them on Sunday
- Bubba's Animal Sounds ...
Grandma is reading a children's animal book to little Bubba. "This is a pig. What sound does a piggy make?"
"Oink ! Oink!" said little Bubba.
"This is a cow and what sound does a cow make?"
"Moo! Moo!" said little Bubba.
"This is a ducky and what sound does a ducky make?"
"AFLAC! AFLAC!"
- A lawyer and a farmer were walking in a field. The farmer had on high boots and the lawyer had on a pair of $500 shoes.
Soon the lawyer steps both feet into what looks like a cow pie. He exclaims, "What is this?"
The farmer replies, "I'm not sure, but it looks to me like you're melting."
- I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me.
As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, "Paper or plastic?"
"It doesn't matter" she replied. "I'm bisacksual."
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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More lessons learned form a long life
- Remember, once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
- I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
- If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
- Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.
- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- If the shoe fits .... buy a pair in every color.
- Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Some days are a total waste of makeup.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me .... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!
Submitted by Sandy, Germantown, MD.
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| A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made ...
... and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling
hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad
and you. I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said
that we would be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us, and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure
deserves it!
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter, Brooke
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card, which is in my desk drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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When Digital Photographers Get Bored take 5
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Feb 9th Humor Page
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