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A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his
lawyer . . .
. . . walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.
The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."
The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.
The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"
The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell......that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." Don't you just love lawyers!
Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx. |
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For all you dog lovers out there ... How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
- Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
- Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
- Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
- Rottweiler: Make me.
- Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
- Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
- Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
- Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
- Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
- Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
- Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.......
- Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
- Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.....
- Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....
- Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
- Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....
- Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
- Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one of THEM, so the question is: how long will it be before I can expect my light?
- Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by Jamie, Crofton, Md.
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Radon applications of mathematical
operators ....
- Smart man + smart woman = romance
- Smart man + dumb woman = affair
- Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
- Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office arithmetic
- Smart boss + smart employee = profit
- Smart boss + dumb employee = production
- Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
- Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping math
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he
needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that
she doesn't need.
General equations & statistics
- A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find
such a man.
Happiness
- To be happy with a man, you must
understand him a lot and love him a little.
- To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Longevity
- Married men live longer than single men
do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Propensity to change
- A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that
she won't change, and she does.
Discussion technique
- A woman has the last word in any
argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
Submitted by Bill Narberth, Pa.
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When you're in deep trouble, say nothing and look like you belong!
Submitted by
Audrey,
Emmitsburg, Md.
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