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A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the
hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him
that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling
at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him
about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down
enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive
tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black
letters was the sentence.
"Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire,
England
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Political Thoughts
The bigger the ego the thicker the skin,
The bigger the lie the smoother the spin,
The more the disdain the wider the grin -
There's only one goal and that is to win.
The promises made they never will keep,
The artful denial of prejudice deep,
The wondrous reforms that are not, but they're cheap -
The goal is the same. Who cares if we weep?
When to serve all the people is to serve only
one,
To distribute the wealth is something they shun,
And the cudgel of fear has only begun -
Democracy's lost. Self interest has won.
Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia
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Actual letter of resignation from an
employee to her boss, who resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher
education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is
that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common
ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my
coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise
that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain
every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll
into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious
oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and
you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other
employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of
"cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something
as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You
will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try
and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more
personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day,
shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed
useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now
that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked
staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a
world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that
everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change
without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to
tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to
employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The
most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have
friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you
honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on
the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five
years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites
list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your
useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually
viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camer a to
"take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that
you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you
forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. I assure you
that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the
authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell
check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter
of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to
anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be
open to the public. Never mess with your systems administrator. Why?
Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Cecelia
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Thoughtful kid ...
Download Video
Submitted by Erik, Long Island, NY
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Pack of Dogs kill Gator In
Florida
What an awesome display of
cunning pack mentality! At times nature can be cruel, but there is also
a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally
considered the "apex predator" in it's natural eco-system, can still
fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to
the tight knit social structure and "survival of the fittest pack
mentality," bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of
years by natural selection. See the attached remarkable photograph
courtesy of Nature Magazine.
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the
gator preventing it from breathing, while the remainder of the pack
prevents the beast from rolling.
Not for the squeamish! Be sure you can handle
the Raw Blood and Guts nature of this photo before you
click here to see the picture!!!
Submitted by Donna,
Emmitsburg, Md.
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August 23rd Humor Page
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