Humor Selections for August 7th, 2006


     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

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Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house ...

... with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year,.....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md
 

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Real 'horse' related ad that appeared in the Equiery ...

We are looking for an experienced barn manager to work full time at a Dressage/Eventing barn in Frederick, MD. Must be sane, not into gossip or drama, may be opinionated as long as you keep them to yourself, should have the same personality today as you did yesterday, must have some social skills as you may actually have to talk to people, should have at least an elementary school education, should know that at age 20 you are not an "expert" at anything, must actually get off your cell phone and do some work while here, should be able to read and understand what the "No Smoking Around the Barn" sign means without explanation, and finally, you should know your way around a horse...at least which is the front end vs. the hind end. I know this is a tall order, but I am hoping there is a "normal" person out there ... somewhere...who wants a job working with horse. Please call if interested ...

Submitted by Jamie, Frederick, Md.
 

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A Kentucky couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children.

They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.

Why after nine children, would they choose to do this?

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither them could speak Spanish.

Submitted by Bill, Gettysburg, Pa.
 

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Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.'

Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease....in fact, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.

The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom.

Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day.

It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember....live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God.

And never forget....the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us.

Submitted by Mary Jo, Emmitsburg, Md.
 

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More amazing sidewalk drawings...


 

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