• I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.
• I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
• I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
• I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
• I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
• I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.
• I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
• I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
• I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
• I CAN walk and potty at the same time. I can, I can, I can.
• I will NOT stop and potty every time I pass the same spot in the arena.
• I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
• My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go back inside to potty.
• I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile radius.
• I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming "Are you asleep?"
• I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
• I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while a human is mucking my stall.
• I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
• I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
• I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
• I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.
• I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.
• I accept that not every carrot is for me.
• I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.
• I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a bicycle.
• I will understand that bicycles are NOT carnivorous.
• I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
• I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi".
• I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.

Submitted by Natalie, Mt. Airy, Md.

Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost.

A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA but there was no answer.

Submitted by Frank, Gaithersburg, Md.

A man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?

Because she smells like a new truck.

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.