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| A woman called to make reservations "I want to
go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York"
The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.
After some searching, the agent came back with "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere."
The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered.
"You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal" was the reply.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| Disney to hold press conference at 10:00 a.m tomorrow.
Word on the street is that Disney will apologize for the Seven Dwarfs singing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" in the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Disney plans to remove all items
associated with this movie. This includes books, dolls, and movies.
Later this week, the Seven Dwarfs will appear to apologize and undergo a 7 hour grilling on public radio. Hint of large protests being scheduled at Disney World! Snow White
could not be reached for comment.
And, in a similar story; the state of Idaho will announce a state wide name change Tuesday!
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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| How a lawyer changes a light bulb ... Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of
the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a
result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway,
terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
- The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the
party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
- Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
- Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New
Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the
rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership.!
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island.... ... who is shouting and desperately
waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?"
Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."
I had someone ask for an aisle seat on the plane so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."
Submitted by Ray, King Of Prussia, Pa.
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And you thought your job was dangerous!
 Also submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia.
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April 20th Humor Page
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